Subject: [humor] How to Annoy a GW store clerk From: Tom Beliech Date: Tue, 10 Jun 1997 17:49:08 +0000 Message-ID: <339D9394.2B91@southeast.net> Have those GW store Trolls ot you down? Tired of watching them encourage kids to yell "waaahg" and act like little monsters? Or maybe the hard-sell game has just gotten to you. No need to mope! Just follow these tips for: How to Annoy a GW Store Employee (and other such Trolls) 1) Toss your checkbook on the sales counter at a GW store, and announce loudly, "I got a thousand bucks to spend here. Show me the minis" Remember to be as vague as possible as they scramble to make the sale. 2) Paint names like "Jervis" and "Nigel" on your Imperial guard figures. When the guards are taken out, yell loudly, "YES! I FINALLY killed them!" 3) Instead of GW staffer names, paint the names of the Store Employees on a Bloodthirster, and mutter something about appropriateness. 4) Tell them about the HUGE Fantasy army you have! Go into detail about how many battles your forces have won, and how much you love the minis. Tell them, "Oh wait, here are pictures of my minis" and pull a Ral Partha catalog out of your pocket. 5) Mutter almost incoherently "Games Day, Shmames Day, these goobers couldn't beat my army even with a sledghammer" 6) Take every boxed rules set available and stack them on the floor next to the sales counter. Tell them you have to run outside to get your checkbook, and once you get out the door, run like crazy away from there. 7) Tell all the under-14 players there how you used to kick butt using Rogue Trader 40K rules. When they ask you what those were, shake your head and grin, say "I'm not sure you'd understand" and tell them that "the Store Employees don't know either, but you could ask them to make sure." 8) Use Enigma's Jump packs on your Citadel Space Marine Assault troops, and watch the Clerks scratch their heads trying to figure out which GW scupltor made those packs. Give them hints, like "It wasn't Aly Morrison or Jes Goodwin... guess again" If they give up, tell them the packs were custom made for you by Tim Prow, and you could get them some for a slightly-above-retail price - off the record, of course. 9) Yell "Waaahg" a lot, but only when playing an Ultramarine or Eldar army. 10) Play your in-store games with only Citadel Minis, but wear a T-shirt with logos for Heartbreaker, Warzone, FASA or Ral Partha every time you go in the store. Give a sales pitch to anyone who asks about your t-shirt. 11) If you work for a utilites company, or know someone who does, show up in company uniform (or have your friend do so) and inform the GW clerks that henceforth, electricity and water for their store have gone up by 25% and that they will have to pay the new prices or discontinue these services within one week. 12) If you have miniatures to trade, do so right outside the door to the store, and do so openly, remarking loudly how prices have forced you to do this. 13) Paint your army banner up to say "Semper Caveat Emptor" and laugh at anyone who doesn't get it. 14) Never say "40K", always say "Rogue Trader." Deny that 40K exists. 15) Mention casually that you heard something from a friend of a friend of Jervis Johnson that GW employees will be getting raises within a few weeks, and that this will cover all GW stores who show a 10% increase n sales this summer. Make sure they know that this is supposed to be a secret, which GW is going to deny until it actually happens. 16) Get a color photocopy of any of the GW Studio staff from WD, and paste the head on a large figure. When the staff asks you what it's supposed to be, say "The Great Unclean One, of course" (hint - this works best with Nigel Stillman as your "model") 17) Leave your copy of the 40K compendium open to the page with all the Space Marine chapter paint schemes (I forget the page #), where younger players can see it. When they ask what this is, tell them that GW declared it to be illegal because they thought gamers weren't smart enough to be allowed to do their own thing. 18) Take a plastic 40K Ork Weapons sprue, lay it on the sales counter, and ask about layaway plans. For that sprue. 19) Bring a pricing gun into the store, and mention that you aren't afraid to use it... (Thanks to Steven Wright for this one) 20) Make the clerks explain to you exactly what happened to Marauder Miniatures. Interrupt them every time they try to say "Citadel" by saying, "I'm not asking about Citadel, I'm asking about Marauder. What happened to them?" Remember kiddies, don't try this without RTCultist supervision. Tom Beliech (Who has never been to a GW-Only Store. Thank goodness for small favors!)